These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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