There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
