dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
