what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
