Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
