How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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