can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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