I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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