Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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