I think I won the penis lottery.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
