i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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