We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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