You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We have started to decorate penises.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
