I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You may now shotgun with the bride
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
