i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
