are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
