The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
