so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
