Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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