Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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