I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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