Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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