I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
