you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
