the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
