don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize