I am in a vortex of obligation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize