dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
