My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
