from now on my penis is your penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
