my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
