wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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