We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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