you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
