Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
