the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
