Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
