you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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