That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
