meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
