I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
