i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
