apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize