wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
