thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
