Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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