sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
