I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
