You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
