Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
