oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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