Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
