matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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