You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
