So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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