this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
