a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We left an ass print on the piano.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had sex on a roof
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
