Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
