So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
