He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
