ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
