I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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