oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
