All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
