I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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