i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
