Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
