there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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