The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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