Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
