I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
